Lez Be Real: Alex Vause is a Total Dominatrix

Alex Vause: hot drug mule, bespectacled babe from Orange is the New Black, my computer background, and as I will argue in this pseudo-dissertation, Total Dominatrix. Sometimes a girl’s gotta project her fantasies onto a fictional lesbian, you know.

At Woolf Woolf, we cover real issues; and as per our commitment to supporting the integrity of our stories with accurate, in-depth research, I spent like three hours scrolling the Alex Vause tag on tumblr. I found gifs and screencaps and several fan videos set to “Trouble” by Taylor Swift. Basically, I found more airtight evidence that Alex is a wildly perverted Femme Domme than I can ever hope to emotionally process.

Alex Vause as Corruptor

Alex Vause spends like 80% of Season One preying on Piper’s innocence. Tormenting Piper for being a boring Country Club cliché is basically her fave hobby, and she seems pretty happy about Piper’s descent into depravity.

Alex Vause and Piper: Hey Girl, You look sweet and innocent, allow me to change that!

There’s the magnificent corruption of Piper’s heterosexuality. Piper’s history of queerness is never fully explained, and maybe it’s wrong to doubt Piper’s sexual agency or whatever; but it’s pretty cute to imagine Alex leading Piper to the queer side. A Vause smoulder would do that to many-a-baby-queer. Alex oozes some intense queer confidence that Piper gradually assumes over the course of their little flashback narratives and it’s awesome.

It’s all played out in their first meeting (swoon). Alex struts over to Piper, Piper flails, Alex stares her down, Piper gets all adorable, they morph into the lesbian slash of my dreams.

Alex and Piper meeting for the first time.

*eye contact*

Also, how about that international drug cartel that gets Piper in jail? Yeah. All Alex Vause. Piper wouldn’t even be in prison were it not for Alex’s manipulative criminal master plan. Sure, she was totally in love with Piper, but she also used her as a drug mule and ruined her life. Power trip.

Alex holding Piper in a wig.

Alex Vause groping her beloved drug mule.

To be fair, if this bitch was your +1 waiting in Arrivals at Charles de Gaulle, lots of people might consider the drug mule life.

Alex Vause waiting for Piper at the airport.

Ahem.

Alex Vause as Big Spoon

Alex Vause is a notorious big spoon. What about “come be my little spoon” doesn’t scream “I want to dress up in latex and own you”? I mean.

I don’t want to assume there’s a surefire correlation between preferred spooning position and sexual proclivities, but I also kind of do. So there may be exceptions, and I’m sure there’s some sort of spooning Kinsey Scale to speculate about; but if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say Alex Vause gets off on big-spooning Piper like a shiny new conquest.

There’s something seriously aggressive about Alex Vause’s big spoon behaviour. That tight, possessive grip, that threatening back-off-bitch neck kiss.

Alex spooning Piper.

Alex Vause as Stare-Down Queen

I’ve seen enough gifs to know Alex Vause has A+, out of this world stare-down moves. She does this weird, almost telekinetic thing where she stares at Piper, and Piper’s body is like pushed around by her eyes or something. Alex Vause’s #1 domination move is obviously some kind of sexual eye torture. It’s somewhere between cute Matilda eye magic, and Dakota Fanning circa Breaking Dawn diabolical vampire powers.

tumblr_mtfsgyopEp1sivhbro1_250

Alex staring down Piper.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think Ms Vause has been to some dungeon parties in her time. I think she has a drawer of floggers in her prison cell, a collection of tight latex pencil skirts, and a crazy desire to own and objectify Piper like a sexual play-thing.

I think Orange is the New Black accidentally created a monstrous Domina when they wrote Alex Vause into the script. Sexual power dynamics might have been an afterthought, but I’m going to read the shit out of them.

About Michelle Catherine

Michelle is co-founder, editor and #1 fan of Woolf Woolf. She lives 50% of her life in the real world, and the other 50% on twitter. Michelle is into recreational feminist problematising, vintage decadence, cycling, swing-dancing, and cultivating her Bettie bangs.