Christmas: There’s a Drinking Game for That

As a wise woman once said, Christmas gatherings have a way of making us feel like we’re faced with two options – we can either fight it out or suck it up.

(That wise woman was Michelle. If you haven’t read her latest post yet, you are SO missing out and we probably can’t be friends anymore).

As an addendum to Michelle’s awesome advice, I’d like to remind you of one other approach. A little something I like to call, “Christmas: There’s A Drinking Game for That”.

This game is about using ignorant and offensive Christmastime conversation to your advantage. Rather than trying to right every wrong at the dinner table or silently bubbling with rage like a freshly opened bottle of Moët, look on the bright side: you can use other people’s ignorance as fuel for your holiday buzz.

poinsettia and champagne

Don’t hate the player, hate the game, etc.

If you want to tailor these to your own family, go wild. Here are the rules I’ll be using:

Drink 1 indulgent sip for each of these comments:

  • “Have you talked to [insert name of gross ex] lately? He was such a nice boy.”
  • “I’m glad you’re wearing you hair like that now. It’s much better.”
  • “Their poor children are going to be so confused.”
  • “Well, boys will be boys.”
  • “I think she has just really let herself go.”
Fascinating!

And we’re off!

Take another generous gulp whenever you hear any of these questions:

  • “Oh, I remember her. She’s the little Jewish girl, right?”
  • “So, have you found yourself a boyfriend yet?”
  • “Can you really make any money from doing that?”
  • “I don’t really think those two look right together. You know what I mean?”
  • “So, you don’t eat meat at all. Not even ham?”
  • “Did you hear [obscure relative] married a woman? I’m pretty sure she’s the man!”
Oh, is that how lesbian relationships work?

Oh, is that how lesbian relationships work?

Finish your drink and grab another piece of pie for this one:

  • “You look great! Have you lost weight?”

Down your scotch, chug your beer, or swig your fruity cocktail whenever:

  • your drink of choice surprises the rest of the table
Girl with bottle of whiskey

Oh my god, scotch!

Take a shot for any: 

  • Christmas movies you watch with a male lead (It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, Elf, A Christmas Carol, Charlie Brown’s Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

Polish off the bottle closest to you when:

  • All the women clear the table, while the men lumber off to get back to “the game”
Well done, everyone.

Well done, everyone.

 

About Miranda Paquet

Miranda is a co-founder and editor of Woolf Woolf. She is a recognized HBIC, with experience in PR and publishing. In addition to writing and feminism, Miranda has undying appreciation for female leadership, good marketing, bunnies, and cocktails.